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by Jim Porter

Got this recent report about Or-e-lan-de-o Willyson doing a new one on something called the 'Jumpin' Jig'. Can't wait to see this puppy. My information is that every fish caught, save a crappie, looks like a setup. Oh, well; a buck is a buck.

Reminds me of when rattles first started to show up in lures. Me and Buddy were down at the hardware store and some guy had a new Rebel Super R and it either had some shot in it, or it had a bad case of indigestion. We got to discussing this fishing wonder and Buddy opined as how he'd never seen a shad that rattled, but what the hey.

Anyway, week later I get this call from Buddy. He says he's got this great idea for a lure. Gonna corner the market, drive them tournament catches sky high, not to mention his bank account. He even said he might run an ad for it on TV (Now, being how this was back in the early 70's, we might be able to credit Buddy with at least the IDEA for the first Informercial). I went over to look at this creation and wouldn't you know it -- Buddy had beaten Orlando's Jumpin' Jig lure idea by about 25 years. Buddy called his the 'Sneezing Whiznat' and said that, if you let it lie real still, every so often it would jerk or twitch on its own, just like it had sneezed or something. Walking around the table, I gave it the old eyeball pretty close. The lure LOOKED like a regular 3/8 oz Marabou hair jig. Didn't have no bells, whistles, sparkly do-dads, whirling trailers, flashing eyes -- heck, none of that mainstream stuff we dreamed of back then in the early days of bassin'.

Well, I sat and watched the thing for 5 minutes and it didn't do diddley. 5 minutes turned into 10 and that turned into a cold brew; then, two brews. Somewhat later, about half past half a 12-pack as I seem to faintly recall, I thought I DID see the thing move ('course, by then, a lot of things appeared to be movin' some).

Then, all at once, the tail of Buddy's creation jumped 1/8 off the table. Amazed, I opened another of Milwaukee's finest and got a little closer. There it went again! Darn, the thing DID move on its own. And, if you got down real close, you could even hear some real faint 'clicking noises'. Man, we thought Buddy was in the money now!! Yessir, finally, the magic lure of the ages was here. Gonna revolutionize fishing. Buddy shoo'd me out and said his process was so secret that he didn't even want me to know how he made that lure.

Well, I excitedly spread the word about the fabulous 'Sneezin' Whiznat', Buddy got some on the center-front shelf at the hardware store and they sold like hotcakes --- for about a week. Then, irate fishermen started bringing 'em back for refunds.

Gluing 'em to the hook shank was O.K., but, as Buddy then said, "As God is my witness, I never imagined Mexican Jumpin' Beans had to breathe." But, just you wait. Someone WILL resurface this great concept. The Sneezin' Whiznat WILL rise from the ashes. As long as there are entrepreneurs and gullible folks with money, Sneezin' Whiznats, Jumpin' Jigs, Helicopters, $11.00 spinner baits, back-flipping somersault grubs, and Durango Kid masked worms will be out there. Lurking in wait for that next credit card call-in.

Just wait.

You betcha.


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