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THINGS SOUTHERN FOLKS KNOW
BY JIM PORTER
- We know the difference between having a 'hissie fit' and a 'conniption fit'.
- We know just about many fish it takes to make up a 'mess'.
- We know the general direction that 'cattywampus' is.
- We know that 'gimme sugar' doesn't mean to pass the sugar bowl.
- We know that when somebody's fixin' to do something, it won't be long in getting done.
- We know the difference between Yankees and damn Yankees.
- We know how good a cold grape Nehi is with bologna and crackers at an old country store.
- We know what 'Well, I Suwannee!' means.
- We know there ain't no biscuits like Grandma's biscuits.
- We know a good dog is worth its weight in gold.
- We know real gravy doesn't come from a store shelf.
- We know when 'by and buy' is.
- We know the difference between 'pert near' and ' a right fer piece'.
- We know the differences between a 'redneck'. A 'good ole boy', and 'trailer trash'.
- We know never to go snipe hunting but once.
- We know what happens, as a young'un, when you swallow tobacco juice.
- We know not to assume that car with the left turn signal on is going to actually turn left.
- We know that you can wear long sleeves, but you gotta always roll them up past your elbows.
- We know you should never loan you tools, pick-up truck, or gun to anyone.
- We know a belt serves a much greater purpose in Life than holding up Daddy's britches.
- We know rocking chairs and porch swings are sure stress relievers.
- We know that a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet.
- We know that, if you think you have forgotten something, you can bet your bippy you certainly have.
- We know that kids are a national treasure.
- We know what Genuine Imitation Rex Jelly tastes like on a big, hot biscuit.
- We know that, after he/she is elected, a politician's ONLY real goal is to be re-elected.
- We know that advertising means nothing when it comes to price or quality, and is only designed to get you into the store.
- We know that good people outnumber the bad people of the World.
- We know we should strive to save the children before we campaign to save the whales.
- We know that fishing is meditation, not sport.
- We know that War is old people sending young people off to die.
- We know where to step in the barnyard.
- We know that sticks and stones may break ours bones, and are sure it will hurt like hell.
- We know Jesse Jackson stepped on it pretty good.
- We know 'ya'll' means the whole passel of us.
- We know a weak man may really be stronger than all of us.
- We know 'out yonder' mean 'not in the house'.
- We know who 'whats-his-name' really is.
- We know which end is up.
- We know which side to butter bread on.
- We know that, if you don't live there, don't try to tell others how they should live.
- We know the first cry of a newborn baby.
- We know what Bubba's real name is.
- We know that dope peddlers should die for poisoning children.
- We know lawyers don't understand anything either, but are allowed by law to negotiate with other lawyers on the same grounds of ignorance.
- We know the south did rise again, even if William Jefferson Clinton made it slip down a couple of notches.
- We know that you don't have to cut in line to pay for your groceries.
- We know when a service station actually used to be a service station.
- We know that war is not good for children and other living things.
- We know 'getouttahee' means you'd better dang well hurry and go.
- We know it's them dumb southerners who sell bottled water to them smart Yankees.
- We know professional wrestling is fake, but it's a good excuse to drink cold beer out of a Dixie cup and holler at a 'bad' guy.
- We know we ain't never gonna be rich, but a lot of poor southern folks are, in ways others will never realize.
- We know God's alive because we still are.
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